I'd rather be reading than writing is one small problem, but there are like 40 other ones, like the impending debut/bomb of my very first jazz gig which is freaking me out. And finding out my little girl has a Congenital Defect--not a huge deal, what it turned out to be, but broke my heart all the same to have her grabbing my wrist with both hands and oozing tears silently when the catheter went in. I think I could have handled that better if she'd kicked or screamed, but instead her seawater eyes found my guilt, like the Christ-child. You can't be a good enough mother ever.

Her bones under X-ray are so pretty and delicate. You could see clear as day that as the fluid siphoned into her bladder from the tube, it continued on through the ureter into her right kidney. That is going the wrong way: things should travel from the kidneys to the bladder, not up out of the bladder into the kidneys.

At the same time she had swine flu last Oct., she started complaining about having pain during urination. We couldn't tell which was which, a fever from the flu or a fever from an infection, so we poured in the antibiotics just in case. Then about three weeks later, she came down with another UTI.

I'm glad that I insisted on getting the tests done against the advice of Zulita's pediatrician who was reluctant.